Can I Become Addicted to Sex or Wet Dreams?

Blonde girl lingerie camisole in bed coupleIt is true that porn uses the same brain wiring to create chemical releases as sex and wet dreams. However, there is a decisive difference between porn and the more healthy uses of sex. And that is focus and control.

Porn

With porn you almost have perfect control over what you will view, the length of time you will view it (or lack of time restraints might be more accurate), and when you will orgasm. Also, the focus is on getting you high and eventually to orgasm.

Sex

With sex you do not have perfect control if the sex will even happen on a certain day. And you certain don’t always know how long it will last or even how the sex will be done. The focus is on you but also on your partner. You are also concerned about her experience during love making. This causes the brain to fire in different areas to be able to relate to her. Additionally, there may be conversations that take place during sex. There are negotiations that might happen such as you getting to do a little of what you want in exchange for her getting a little of what she wants. All of this interaction takes some of the focus out of just pleasure.

Also, there is wiring in the brain which will limit the amount of dopamine released when the sex is performed with someone we have already had sex with before. This limits the control you have on releasing brain chemicals. It also allows us to reach “Sexual Satiation” or the feeling of sexually satisfied. This wiring is known as the “Coolidge Effect.” You can read more about the Coolidge Effect here: The Coolidge Effect.

Wet Dreams

With wet dreams you have even less control if you will be able to have a wet dream and thus have brain chemicals released. The focus can be all over the place as the subconscious mind works out problems and scenarios during the dream. So even wet dreams are not all about releasing chemicals there are other things at play as well.

Conclusion

With porn, this absolute control and focus allows porn to become highly addictive. The Limbic System of your brain likes the idea of having something that is predictable. The Limbic System is in charge of keeping you alive. So if it can find a solution to every type of negative event it is going to jump for joy and desire that solution as much as possible. By forming an addiction the Limbic System thinks that it just found the fountain of youth, an event that can cure any type of problem, a panacea (Read: Porn Is Not Your Problem: Brain Chemicals Are).

So as a result of this “panacea” the limbic system will desire porn as a solution to every type of negative event. If you feel tired, it will desire porn. If you are bored, it will desire porn. If you feel lonely, it will desire porn. Anything that can be considered negative could potentially become a trigger for porn. The Limbic System will believe porn to be the evolutionary jack pot and will desire it above all else.

With sex and wet dreams this desire is there but it is not absolute. Because of the lack of guarantees, the Limbic System will desire it but not to the extent of forming an addiction.

However, that is not to say that a sex addiction is not possible. Say if a man were able to create a group of women each willing to have sex at different times. That man could develop an addiction to sex. If the man had absolute control over having sex then sex could quickly become an addiction.

If you are limited to your one partner, then most likely you will never develop an addiction to sex. A strong desire for sex will be present but not an addiction. Again this is because of the Coolidge Effect.

The RAMP Solution to porn addiction uses a Modifying activity (The “M” in RAMP) to break the Limbic System’s cycle. A simple example would be if you are tired and you have a history of having triggers happen when you are tired. The obvious Modifying activity would be to take a nap. So after your nap there is a very good chance that your Limbic System will no longer feel a desire for porn. There still may be a desire, however, the nap will cause the Limbic System to relax and say that the nap was “good enough for now.” Of course minutes later you might start to feel bored and the Limbic System will jump up and start screaming for porn again. At which time you do another Modifying activity that again allows the Limbic system to relax and say “good enough for now.”

After you have gone through enough of these “good enough for now” events the Limbic System will eventually stop desiring porn. This can take around 8 months to accomplish. At which time the Limbic System will know that the rest of the brain will not go along with its demands for porn and that there are other activities that are good enough and do not bring the shame that is felt after a slip.

Get the RAMP solution and start training your Limbic System to desire other things other than porn! www.StopPornToday.com

Man Wants to Divorce Wife so He Can Watch Porn

Answers_Man leaves wife for free Porn_LI shameless go onto Yahoo Answers occasionally to promote my views on pornography. A while back I came upon the above question and answer. I was a little disturbed by it. But it does show the natural man and the power of this compulsion to change our lives for the worst.

Hopefully you can skim over the screen shot above from Yahoo Answers. But the situation is all too often common. The man developed his compulsion for porn at the young age of 15. And he is now 22 and has 7 years of porn compulsion under his belt. Now he thinks it will be huge burden off his shoulders to divorce his wife so she won’t nag and shame him for his compulsion.

It makes sense to assume that the man has tried to quit porn before even though he does not say he has tried to quit in his question. I think this is the case because he thinks it would be easier to divorce his wife than quit porn. Or at least he believes he will be happier with porn than with his wife.

I feel for the guy because I have felt the frustrations of trying to quit porn. But overall I think this guy is really selling himself short in life.

His response to life’s problems is one of a quitter.  Most of the people who responded were telling him he was wrong but he chose probably the one response that encouraged him to keep looking at porn. And that response was not even to divorce his wife but to hide the porn use more effectively.

It’s easy to poke fun at this guy. But the main purpose of this post is to ask you: how is porn affecting your life? What things are you giving up in exchange for the porn use? What things are you willing to give up for your porn use?

You are here to seek answers. Ask yourself some hard questions. The purpose of these questions is not to shame you or make you feel regret (the “r” word from TROUBLED). The purpose is to motivate to get you to be determined and to not be a quitter. To quit porn you have to get up quite a few times. You will lose count the amount of times you have to recommit yourself to the program. The important thing is not the number of times you have to recommit but your consistency. Do you keep trying, in other words? Overcoming the addiction is not hard in and of itself, its more about being consistent even when progress seems to be elusive.

So what are you giving up by watch porn? There are consequences to be sure even if you have become very adept at hiding your tracks and at not getting caught.

Consequences might be:

  • Lack of confidence
  • Unable to look people (especially women) in the eyes
  • Irritable
  • General lack of motivation
  • Not wanting to be social – staying home
  • Being tired from lack of sleep
  • Unable to enjoy the simple things in life

Don’t let porn get so out of control that it seems easier to divorce your wife than give up porn. Give yourself a minute to think about your life and how it might be different in the future by giving up porn.

Have you even once felt good about yourself or about your actions after going through with a slip? The answer is probably no. Porn will always leave you in worse shape than you were before. And you being in a worse shape will have consequences. Not being on top of your game has consequences. Now it is time to give up porn and start living life on your terms. There are benefits to being porn free and masturbation free. Just take your list of the bad effects of porn and take their opposite.

Benefits of living a porn free life:

  • Greater confidence
  • Able to look people in the eyes
  • Able to look women in the eyes
  • Pleasant
  • General increase of motivation
  • Wanting to be social – getting out of the house
  • Being well rested with a good night’s sleep
  • Able to enjoy the simple things in life

The choice is yours. With effective strategies and activities one can heal the brain and be pornography free. If you have failed to quit porn before, it is probably because you were trying to quit by sheer force of will. You did not know how the game was being played in your mind. Once you know the rules of the game, it becomes infinitely easier to win the game. Once you have effective strategies and activities, winning will not seem as hard as it originally seemed. Get the RAMP solution to porn addiction!