Top 3 Excuses Porn Addicts Use to Stay Addicted

No excuse pen and paper

Do you use these excuses? Do you know someone who does? Let’s analyze these excuses and how they hold you back from living a porn free life.

1. All men watch pornography. Boys will be boys.

2. Pornography doesn’t affect me.

3. It’s impossible to quit. I’ve already tried.

In order to start the recovery one must admit that something is wrong. That the addiction is getting in the way of living life. This is not as easy as it may sound.

A drug addict or an alcoholic can get to a physical breaking point where the body simply cannot take in more drugs or alcohol. The body does not have such a breaking point with porn. Therefore it allows most porn addicted people to be high functioning addicts, meaning that the addict can hold down a job or go to school. The affects of porn are subtle with things like lack of confidence, being tired due to lack of sleep and being moody. These can be overlooked as just bad character traits by those around the addicted person and the porn addiction can be hidden.

Where a drug addict or an alcoholic can have family and friends step in and encourage recovery, a porn addicted person is less likely to have this happen. Perhaps a girlfriend or wife would be in a position to discover the addiction but outside of these very intimate relationships a porn addicted person does not have much encouragement to seek recovery. It many instances and in many ways it is up to the addicted person themselves to seek help.

Having excuses can keep a porn addict person in their addiction indefinitely. These excuses will keep someone from truly experience what a porn free life is like. Holding them from experience the joy life has to offer. Let’s now examine these excuses:

1. All men watch pornography. Boys will be boys.

Most good excuses have an element of truth to them. It is true that a problem with porn addiction is the pervasiveness at which pornography is viewed. It is estimated that 87% of men (aged 18-26) and 31% of females (aged 18-26) reported using pornography. Additionally, 67% of the young men and 49% of the young women believed viewing pornography as acceptable (Generation XXX Pornography Acceptance and Use Among Emerging Adults).

However, not all men look at porn. And it wasn’t this way in the past. Men did not look at as much porn as they do today. A big reason for this is the Triple-A Engine of the internet (Read: Why Free Porn Is Hard to Quit: the Triple-A Engine). To confront this excuse you need to focus on what you are missing out on in life. One of the biggest complaints from porn addiction is the lack of confidence and the lack of the ability to talk to women. Another major complaint from porn addicts is the lack of desire to have sex even leading to erectile dysfunction. These might not be your major complaints but there is some aspect of your life that is not being fulfilled because the addiction is getting in the way. Focus on this/these issues to get over the excuse that “everyone does it.”

2. Pornography doesn’t affect me.

Another limiting feature of the porn addicted person is the age at which he/she is exposed to pornography. With most being exposed to pornography between the ages of 14 and 17, it is very possible that people with pornography addiction have never experienced post puberty without being addicted to porn. This would limit what their ability to know what a normal life should be like with no real reference of what a porn free life is like (University of New Hampshire: The Nature and Dynamics of Internet Pornography Exposure for Youth).

If you think pornography addiction does not affect you, it might be because you have never lived post-puberty without being addicted to porn. You have no idea what a porn free life is like and you have no reference to compare your current life to a porn free life. Ask yourself how long you have been looking at porn and when the addiction started. For the vast majority, this addiction started in the teen years. If this is true for you, consider that you really do not have a reference point to really know how porn has affected your life.

It is very unlikely that porn addiction has not affected your life. Below is a chart that shows how pornography exposure correlates to changes in sexual attitudes.

Increased exposure to pornography does correlate with changes in sexual attitudes:

Exposure and sexual attitudes chart Exposure to Sexually Explicit Web Sites and Adolescent Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors

3. It’s impossible to quit. I’ve already tried.

Like always, there is a bit of truth to this excuse. If you have been addicted since your teen years and your now in your adulthood, you probably have tried to quit dozens of times. Every time you tried to quit you were met with failure.  It is impossible to quit porn if you don’t know how to do it. If your idea of quitting porn is to focus on the porn then you will fail every time. If you are telling yourself “stop looking at porn.” What your brain really hears is “look at porn.” Focusing on the porn will not be successful (Read: How to Talk to Your Mind).

You need to learn how the game is being played in your mind. You need to learn strategies and activities you can do to work with your mind to heal it. Once you heal your mind you will then have the choice to look at porn or not look at porn. After you consistently choose not to look at porn the addiction will leave you. The overwhelming need to look at porn, the triggers, will not be felt or if they are felt they will be seldom and they desire weaker and manageable. You need to learn about your mind. You need to know who the real enemy is. Once you have a game plan you can then execute the game plan and start winning the addiction. As always, it is recommended that you try the RAMP Solution to porn addiction to get the game plan you need to start winning.

Thanks for reading. Now go out there and start living a porn free life.

 

 

How Long Does It Take to Quit Porn Addiction?

Clock Tower in Paris

The RAMP Solution has a target goal of 8 months for porn recovery. This might seem excessive for some, and it very might well be. However, there is an advantage to those who are prepared for the long haul. For example, if it takes you 4 months or 6 months to heal from your addiction are you at all worse off if you were planning on taking 8 months to recover? The answer is no.

However let’s consider the opposite. What if you were planning on recovering taking only 2 months and you’re now 3 months into your recovery still suffering from powerful triggers (maybe triggers with contradicting beliefs attached to them). There is a very real possibility that the person will think the program is failing him/her and that it’s not working. This can cause to someone giving up.

It is very possible that it will take 10 months to overcome the addiction. This will be very true for the casual user which I imagine will make up the bulk of users. Let’s face it, most of us have a lot of different commitments we have to keep and sometimes we don’t always focus on things we need to do to better ourselves. The casual user will listen to the audio maybe once a month and may even take a month off but will then re-commit to program. Even the casual user will notice significant gains in 8 months. Most likely they will have Modifying Behaviors to meet the needs of some of his/her TROUBLED feelings, thereby defeating certain triggers (Read: Triggers and the Acronym TROUBLED). Once someone has beaten (and realizes that they have beaten) two or three triggers there will be proof that the program will eventually lead to complete recovery. Keeping a journal is one of the most powerful ways to documenting when a trigger has been beaten. (Read: Keep a Journal)

Another factor, beside commitment to the program, is how long you have been addicted. If you have been addicted for decades then you will most likely take more time in rewiring your brain than someone who has been addicted for a few months. And probably a key factor to that statistic is this question: Have you had testosterone in your veins while not being addicted to porn? So many of us were exposed to porn at such a young age that we never had a brain that had testosterone and that was porn free. Or in other words, we have never had brain wiring that was free from pornography while we were maturing into adulthood. The Limbic System will use this fact to try and stall and draw out the recovery process. It will “say” to the other parts of the brain that it cannot be sure if this new brain wiring is safe and that we will be able to survive with the new brain wiring. Remember that the Limbic System’s primary goal is survival (Read: Brain Changes Shape – Steps to Recovery). If you developed your pornography addiction later in life you will find that reverting back to your old wiring is much easier than creating that brain wiring from scratch.

Let’s face it, just like there is no pill to lose weight or get ripped muscles, there is no pill to rewire your brain. With both losing weight and building muscle you also need time. Just like it takes months to grow muscles, it will take months to rewire your brain. The difference is to lose weight it is a simple equation of (energy spent – energy consumed = weight gain or weight loss). To grow muscles you know you need to lift weights. Assortment of different colored pills

But where do you go for brain wiring? First off, most of us when we tried to quit porn alone focused on the porn being the problem. We did not focus on the brain as being the problem. Not knowing that the enemy is an overactive Limbic System caused us to lose the battle automatically (Read: Porn is NOT Your Problem: Brain Chemicals Are). Now that you know that you need to focus on the brain, you need to find a program that will help train you to heal your brain. And again, you will need months to rewire the brain.

For brain rewiring and learning how to quit porn there is the RAMP Solution to porn addiction. It is in audio format which makes it incredible convenient. Listen to it on your way to work when you have your brain free to think. Through the program you will learn effective strategies and activities to heal the brain.

Remember to have fun with rewiring the brain. Learning what excites you and what hobbies you have can be very entertaining. Just like playing sports and changing your exercise routines can keep you engaged and having fun and more likely to complete your fitness goals; it is important to have fun with brain rewiring.

Now go out there and start making brain changes so you can live porn free!

Teens & Porn: Why Teens Are Most Susceptible to Porn Addiction

man x-rayMost of us who suffer or have suffered from porn addiction formed the addiction in our teen years. In fact I would say the vast majority of people formed their compulsion during their teen years.

Why is that the case? Why are teenagers at such a high risk for pornography addiction?

For one, the frontal lobes of teens have not fully developed (Maturation of the Prefrontal Cortex, US Department of Health & Human Services). The frontal lobe is where higher forms of thought come into play. Were reasoning is fully developed. The frontal lobes are the part of the brain that makes us distinct from other animals.

With this part of the brain not being fully developed, teens are more likely to make incorrect decisions. Not only are they not going to make correct decisions but they are going to seek out experiences that produce rewarding stimulation to the brain. This can include the chemicals produced by porn. By viewing porn and masturbating the brain produces chemicals that the teen brain is craving.

This craving for new chemical reactions in the brain is why teens are more likely than any other age group to form depression, anxiety, drug use, eating disorders and drug use. It should be no surprise that porn addiction would also be a hallmark of many teenagers. (Risk Taking and Novelty Seeking in Adolescence, Ann E. Kelley, Terri Schochet & Charles F. Landry)

Another reason why teens are more susceptible to porn compulsion is because they are new to sexual desires. They are unprepared for the desire to procreate. This can catch many off guard.

This is especially dangerous because pornographers are making it extremely easy for youth to access pornography. There are estimations of 70% or more of teenagers between the ages of 15 and 17 will inadvertently come across porn on the internet (Baylor University & Kaiser Family Foundation). In my mind this is no accident. Pornographers are making it intentionally easy for youth to access pornography.

Conclusion

Many of you formed your addiction while in the teen years. Some of you blame yourselves for the addiction and that is not the truth. I want you to know that in many ways this addiction chose you and you are innocent. In many instances you were targeted by pornographers because of your vulnerability. Your pornography addiction is not your fault and it is time that you realize that aspect of the addiction. You are innocent and this addiction was not your fault.

Being the victim does not help either. You can now do something about it. You don’t have to be a pawn in someone’s game. You can rise up and learn how the game is being played in your mind. You can heal your own brain and become addiction free. You can be porn free.

While in many ways this addiction was done to you, you don’t have to sit ideally by and continue to live with it. Try the RAMP Solution to Porn Addiction!

Will Marriage Help Me Quit Porn?

Portrait of happy bride and groomThe short answer is “no!”

The long answer is below:

The idea has logic. The idea that once married, the addicted person will have an outlet for sex. It is statistically true that married men have more regular and consistent sex than unmarried men. So having sex on a regular basis would then decrease the desire to watch porn. With less desire to watch porn, the addicted person can then cut ties for good with porn watching and instead focus on a more healthy and productive use of sexual energy.

While the logic is sound, the understanding of the compulsion is lacking. Marriage will not solve porn compulsion.

The problem with marriage as a solution is that it does not know who the enemy really is. The enemy is not an overactive sex drive. The enemy is an overactive Limbic System of the brain. Now the idea behind the RAMP Solution to porn addiction is not to eliminate the enemy but to convert it back to an ally.

Know your enemy!

Knowing your enemy and knowing why it is doing what it is doing is an essential component to defeating it.

So the Limbic System does not seek out porn because it needs a sexual release. The Limbic System is instead hijacking the sexual reward system to create chemical highs to cope with TROUBLED feelings.

Marriages are great and desirable for men. Married men tend to live longer and happier than their single counterparts. However, marriages at times can be a form of stress and can be a source of TROUBLED feelings. When an overactive Limbic System (which you have if you have a porn compulsion) encounters these feelings the first thing it is going to desire is porn. And really it does not desire porn, but desires the chemicals that are produced by porn viewing.Married couple

Conclusion

Overall, marriages do little to calm an overactive Limbic System. However, what marriage does give you is a possibility to have a supportive partner. This can be a big help in your recovery. Also, it gives you motivation to quit porn. Marriage can give you that extra push to get back up after a slip. There will be plenty of slips in your recovery and you’ve got to be determined to get back up.

To solve this porn compulsion you need to work on your Limbic System. It is the only way. Convert the Limbic System to an ally and learn to calm it. With a normal Limbic System you will then be able to rid porn from your life for good. The cravings will end and you can return to a life that is much more enjoyable. Enjoy a life of confidence.

Why Signing Contracts or Promises Are Counterproductive

Signing contracts or promising never to watch porn seems like a good idea especially to the other person in the relationship who does not have the compulsion. It seems logical. However, with a compulsion as strong as pornography and how it works with the brain, this tactic will be counterproductive.

Here is the reason. I like the “learning to ride a bicycle” analogy because it’s all about the brain learning how to balance the body. Would you ever have someone sign a contract or promise to never fall on a bike as they are learning to ride? Of course not, because falling down is part of the learning process.

Couple looking at a contractSo it is with learning to stop a porn addiction. Overcoming porn has everything to do about falling down. Every slip during the compulsion allows for a glimpse at the triggers that caused the slip. Knowing what the emotions are that cause triggers will allow the person to strategically pick Modifying Behaviors that will satisfy the trigger without using the addiction.

Slips are necessary to recovery as much as falling off the bike is necessary to learning balance.

We know about the TROUBLED feelings. Signing a contract that says you will never watch porn again will only amplify the “R” of TROUBLED (Regret) when you do have a slip. The downward spiral is fed by regret. The negative feelings after having a slip will be amplified many more times because not only did you have a slip but now you broke your contract on top of it. To overcome the addiction you must build on success and not failure. To overcome the addiction you must stress the successes and minimize the failures. Chalk up failures as learning opportunities and not as dishonest, contract breaking failures.

Would you set up a ramp for the person learning to ride a bicycle? No, of course not! You know the kid is going to go face first into the ground if you did. So don’t have your porn addicted partner sign a contract about never watching porn.

Instead be a source of encouragement to your porn addicted partner. Don’t ask about failures but ask about successes. Some triggers are easier to discover and beat than others. So ask about which triggers they have identified and how their modifying behaviors are working. Sometimes the person overcoming the addiction will not even realize that they’ve just completely eliminated a certain type of trigger. Pointing out that they have not had a slip with a certain type of trigger will be a huge discovery. Realizing that the Limbic System has accepted a Modifying Behavior for a certain emotion/trigger is an extremely joyful event in the process of overcoming the addiction.

Being porn free is a learning process, but once it is learned a person is so many times happier. Helping someone overcome the addiction will be something they will be forever grateful to you for doing. And it will only strengthen and give appreciation for the relationship with you.

Man Wants to Divorce Wife so He Can Watch Porn

Answers_Man leaves wife for free Porn_LI shameless go onto Yahoo Answers occasionally to promote my views on pornography. A while back I came upon the above question and answer. I was a little disturbed by it. But it does show the natural man and the power of this compulsion to change our lives for the worst.

Hopefully you can skim over the screen shot above from Yahoo Answers. But the situation is all too often common. The man developed his compulsion for porn at the young age of 15. And he is now 22 and has 7 years of porn compulsion under his belt. Now he thinks it will be huge burden off his shoulders to divorce his wife so she won’t nag and shame him for his compulsion.

It makes sense to assume that the man has tried to quit porn before even though he does not say he has tried to quit in his question. I think this is the case because he thinks it would be easier to divorce his wife than quit porn. Or at least he believes he will be happier with porn than with his wife.

I feel for the guy because I have felt the frustrations of trying to quit porn. But overall I think this guy is really selling himself short in life.

His response to life’s problems is one of a quitter.  Most of the people who responded were telling him he was wrong but he chose probably the one response that encouraged him to keep looking at porn. And that response was not even to divorce his wife but to hide the porn use more effectively.

It’s easy to poke fun at this guy. But the main purpose of this post is to ask you: how is porn affecting your life? What things are you giving up in exchange for the porn use? What things are you willing to give up for your porn use?

You are here to seek answers. Ask yourself some hard questions. The purpose of these questions is not to shame you or make you feel regret (the “r” word from TROUBLED). The purpose is to motivate to get you to be determined and to not be a quitter. To quit porn you have to get up quite a few times. You will lose count the amount of times you have to recommit yourself to the program. The important thing is not the number of times you have to recommit but your consistency. Do you keep trying, in other words? Overcoming the addiction is not hard in and of itself, its more about being consistent even when progress seems to be elusive.

So what are you giving up by watch porn? There are consequences to be sure even if you have become very adept at hiding your tracks and at not getting caught.

Consequences might be:

  • Lack of confidence
  • Unable to look people (especially women) in the eyes
  • Irritable
  • General lack of motivation
  • Not wanting to be social – staying home
  • Being tired from lack of sleep
  • Unable to enjoy the simple things in life

Don’t let porn get so out of control that it seems easier to divorce your wife than give up porn. Give yourself a minute to think about your life and how it might be different in the future by giving up porn.

Have you even once felt good about yourself or about your actions after going through with a slip? The answer is probably no. Porn will always leave you in worse shape than you were before. And you being in a worse shape will have consequences. Not being on top of your game has consequences. Now it is time to give up porn and start living life on your terms. There are benefits to being porn free and masturbation free. Just take your list of the bad effects of porn and take their opposite.

Benefits of living a porn free life:

  • Greater confidence
  • Able to look people in the eyes
  • Able to look women in the eyes
  • Pleasant
  • General increase of motivation
  • Wanting to be social – getting out of the house
  • Being well rested with a good night’s sleep
  • Able to enjoy the simple things in life

The choice is yours. With effective strategies and activities one can heal the brain and be pornography free. If you have failed to quit porn before, it is probably because you were trying to quit by sheer force of will. You did not know how the game was being played in your mind. Once you know the rules of the game, it becomes infinitely easier to win the game. Once you have effective strategies and activities, winning will not seem as hard as it originally seemed. Get the RAMP solution to porn addiction!

Wife Caught Me Watching Porn!

Angry woman getting worked up against her husbandWife caught me watching porn!

This can be an awkward situation to say the least. What do you do in that situation? Most likely her reaction will not be a pleasant one. And her being female she will have little to no possibility in understanding the addiction. Or at least in that moment of pure rage she will not be in any type of mind set to understand.  If things get propelled your way just remember to duck and weave, man, duck and weave.

Just be apologetic and if she calms down to something that is manageable, it might be a nice time to talk to her about your problem . . . but only if you have a solution. A very viable solution would be to go to www.StopPornToday.com and get the RAMP solution to Porn Addiction.

Also you should keep in mind that there are basic 3 types of supports and they are:

  • A positive supporter who uses positive reinforcement and avoids negative reinforcement. Is supportive of the addicted person but will not accept anything else than a healed and addictive free brain.

 

  • A negative supporter who does not understand an addiction and does not tolerate slips. Makes threats and uses negative reinforcement at any regression in the addiction. Is skeptical of any advancement and looks at slips as proofs of failure.

 

  • 3 A co-dependent supporter who encourages the addiction and may even participate in the addiction. They may not believe change is possible and would rather not see change happen. They are more scared of change than keeping life the same. They resist any advancement made toward recovery. They knowingly providing opportunity and encourage slips.

 

You can probably predict what kind of supporter your wife would be with some accuracy. However, you never truly know how she will react. So tell her and see. And these are not static descriptions of people. People can change especially as their understanding of the topic increases. So keep in mind your wife may start as a negative supporter and become a positive support as they understand the program you are doing to overcome porn addiction.

 

Not what to do once you know the type of support your have at your side:

 

  • If you have a positive supporter, then great! There is not much you need to do. You will probably want to check in with her and give her updates every so often. Remember, remember and remember the addiction is beat with positive experiences. You build on positive achievements so focus on accomplishments. And ask her to help you make associates between your mood and your actions. Women tend to have a bigger corpus callosum of the brain. This allows them to powerfully combine multiple parts of the brain at the same time. Men have this ability but it does not happen as powerfully as women are generally capable of doing.

 

  • Now if you have a negative supporter and it appears she has no motivation to change, then you probably do not want to include her in your recovery. Recovery is full of set-backs and slips. There is no avoiding it. Could you imagine a child who is trying to learn to ride a bike and every time they fall their parent yells at the child and treats the child in a negative manner. Never mind that the child just skinner their knee and already is physically hurt. Just to be berated emotionally as well. It would be a similar situation with your recovery. A negative supporter is not beneficial and you do not need a support to overcome the addiction. Support is great but not necessary. You created the addiction alone and you can learn to heal your brain on your own as well.

 

  • If your wife is a co-dependent supporter then you should consider that quitting the addiction will be very difficult to achieve. And if you do manage to break free of the addiction, it will cause a significant separation between the two of you. The relationship might not succeed. If you are determined to be porn free then you will need to evaluate if you should keep your current relationship.

 

If you explain to her that you are determined to be porn free. Then the negative experience of being caught can turn to a positive one in her eyes. Relationships can be complicated. When you are able to quit porn for good, it will make you just that much better of a person. And some of those complications will be easier to manage. If you are able to share the experience of overcoming the addiction, it will show you the importance of your relationship and give you a greater appreciation for it.